Saturday, 2 February 2013

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10 Things You Need to Know About Affairs - Vivian Baruch

I can?t tell you the number of people who tell themselves early in marriage, ?If my spouse ever has an affair, I?m outta here.? And then in happens. Their spouse was unfaithful. That?s when reality sets in. It?s easy to think you will leave if your spouse betrays you, but when confronted with the reality of divorce and dissolving your marriage, the stakes are really high. It?s not that overcoming the devastation of infidelity is easy, it isn?t. But it can be done. In fact, believe it or not, most people decide to stay in their marriages after infidelity. The important thing is to address the issues that might have led to the infidelity and get the necessary help to recover. Divorce isn?t the solution, particularly when the unfaithful spouse is remorseful and devoted to changing. Here are some things Michele Weiner-Davis?says?you need to know if you are dealing with the fallout of infidelity in your marriage

1) Betrayal is in the eye of the beholder
Many times people want to know the definition of betrayal. To some, it is about having intercourse and other sexual contact with another person. To others, betrayal is more about one?s spouse feeling emotionally connected to someone else ? late conversations of a personal nature with a co-worker, or an on-going, intimate friendship with another person. To others, it is secrecy. This may involve secret email accounts, cell phones, Internet behavior, or an unwillingness to share information about whereabouts, spending habits, or life plans.

The fact is, there is no universal definition of betrayal. When two people are married, they must care about each other?s feelings. They don?t always have to agree, but they must behave in ways that make the relationship feel safe. Therefore, if one person feels threatened or betrayed, his or her spouse must do some soul searching and change in ways to accommodate those feelings. In other words, betrayal is in the eye of the beholder. If you or your partner feels betrayed, you need to change what you?re doing to make the marriage work.

2) Infidelity is not a marital deal breaker
Many people think that affairs signal the end of a marriage. This is simply not true. Although healing from infidelity is a challenging endeavor, most marriages not only survive, but they can actually grow from the experience. This is not to say that affairs are good for marriages, they aren?t. Affairs are very, very destructive because the bond of trust has been broken. But after years of working with couples who have experienced betrayal and affairs, I can vouch for the fact that it is possible to get marriages back on track and rediscover trust, caring, friendship and passion.

3) Most affairs end
It?s important to know that, while affairs can be incredibly sexy, compelling, addictive and renewing, most of them end. That?s because after the thrill wears off, most people recognize that everyone, even the affair partner is a package deal. This means that we all have good points and bad points. When two people are in the throes of infatuation, they are only focusing on what?s good. This is short-lived, generally speaking. That?s because reality sets in and infatuation fades. If the betrayed spouse doesn?t run to a divorce attorney prematurely, it?s entirely possible and even likely that an affair will die a natural death.

4) Temporary insanity- the only sane response
Because betrayal is so threatening to marriage and so devastating, many people feel they are losing their minds when they learn that their spouses have been cheating. They can?t eat, sleep, work, think, or function in any substantial way. This causes another layer of concern and self-doubt which often leads to depression and anxiety.
It is important to know that finding out that one?s spouse is cheating can be extremely traumatic. In fact, current research suggests that betrayed spouses exhibit symptoms similar to Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. It is a major loss and as with most losses, betrayal is intensely disorienting and distressing.

5) You are not alone
Although when infidelity occurs, the betrayed spouse feels alone and lonely, it is essential to keep in mind that countless people have experienced the same problem and have felt the same way. This offers little consolation when one first learns about his or her spouse?s affair, but over time, it can take the sting out of feeling so out of sorts. It would be wonderful if everyone upheld their marital vows, but the truth is, that doesn?t happen. It should, but it doesn?t. The good news is that there is a great deal of support available because many people have walked in your shoes and can be empathetic to your feelings.

6) It helps to get help
But beyond talking with those who have experienced infidelity in their own marriages, it helps to get professional help. Feelings that surface after the discovery of an affair are often so overwhelming that it is difficult to know what to do to begin to get one?s marriage back on track. A good marriage therapist??or a marriage education class can help lead the way. But be certain to seek help that is ?marriage-friendly.? Some therapists believe that infidelity destroys the fabric of a relationship which cannot be repaired. These therapists declare marriages dead on arrival. It is essential that you get a good referral if you want your marriage to recover. Read about choosing a good marital therapist

7) Healing takes time
Although people naturally want to be pain-free as quickly as possible, when it comes to healing from infidelity, it just isn?t going to happen. In fact, if things are ?business as usual? too quickly, it probably just means that intense feelings have been swept under the carpet. This will not help in the long run. In order for a marriage to mend, it takes a great deal of hard work to confront all the necessary issues. This takes time ? often two to three years- to truly get things back on track. When couples enter my office and they?ve been dealing with the aftermath of infidelity for a year or so and they are still struggling, they think something is wrong with them. When I hear that, I tell them that nothing is wrong with them because the pain is still fresh and the news of infidelity is hot off the press. Yes, even a year after learning about betrayal isn?t a very long time. Healing from infidelity is a slow process for most people.

8 ) Count on ups and downs
One of the most frustrating and confusing aspects to the healing process is the fact that just when people think things have improved and are resolved, there is another major setback. This is not surprising at all. That?s because the path to recovery is not s straight line. It is jagged and beset with many, many ups and downs. I tell people that it is two steps forward and one step back. Unfortunately, when people have a setback, they believe that they have slid back to square one. This is not the case. Every setback is a bit different. And as long as there is a general upward trend, progress is being made. Maintaining patience is difficult, but it is absolutely necessary. Don?t give up when there has been a relapse. Just get back on track.

9) Don?t be quick to tell friends and family
It is important not to be too quick to tell friends and family about the problem of infidelity. If everyone in one?s family is apprised of the infidelity, even if the marriage improves, family members may not support the idea of staying in the marriage. They may pressure the betrayed spouse to leave. So, while emotional support during this rough time is absolutely necessary, it?s important to get professional help or talk to friends or family who will support the marriage and be less judgmental. Those people should have the perspective that no one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes and as long as the unfaithful spouse takes responsibility to change, marriages can mend.

10) You won?t forget, but forgiveness is a gift you give yourself
When there has been infidelity, people just don?t forget about it. In fact, they don?t ever forget it. What does happen is that memories of the discovery and the pain tend to fade. The thoughts about betrayal become less frequent and less intense over time. And the good news is that people should NOT forget because we all learn from our experiences, both good and bad.
And although people don?t forget betrayal or affairs, forgiveness is still mandatory, not to let the unfaithful person off the hook, but because holding a grudge shackles people to the past. It is bad for one?s health, both emotionally and physically. There is no intimacy when there are grudges. Life is painful because there is a wall separating people. When betrayed spouses allow themselves to have feelings of forgiveness, life lightens up. It is freeing. Love begins to flow again. Letting go of the past begins to make room for happiness in the present. So, forgiveness isn?t meant for the unfaithful, it is a gift betrayed spouses give themselves.
If you want help in dealing with infidelity, please call me on?please?call me on?(02) 9516 4399, (0421) 961 687?or?email me?today.

Don?t give up.

Source: http://vivianbaruch.com/2013/02/02/10-things-you-need-to-know-about-affairs/

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Friday, 1 February 2013

Ashton Kutcher or Steve Jobs? Figure Out Who's Who!

Ashton Kutcher looks a lot like a young Steve Jobs. Like, a really lot. They might have gone very different routes in their careers, but if the two men had been born at the same time they easily could have been brothers.

Source: http://www.ivillage.com/ashton-kutcher-or-steve-jobs-can-you-tell-difference/1-a-519192?dst=iv%3AiVillage%3Aashton-kutcher-or-steve-jobs-can-you-tell-difference-519192

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Needless abdominal CT scans can be avoided in children, study says

Feb. 1, 2013 ? A study of more than 12,000 children from emergency departments throughout the country in the Pediatric Emergency Care Applied Research Network (PECARN) has identified seven factors that can help physicians determine the need for a computed tomography (CT) scan following blunt trauma to the abdomen. Because CT scans pose radiation hazards for youngsters, the findings may enable doctors to determine which children do not need to be exposed to such tests after a traumatic injury.

The study is online first in advance of an upcoming issue of the Annals of Emergency Medicine.

"CT scans involve significant radiation risk, especially for children, who are more vulnerable than adults to radiation's effects," said principal investigator and lead author of the study James Holmes, a professor of emergency medicine at the UC Davis School of Medicine. "We have now identified a population of pediatric patients that does not typically benefit from a CT scan, which is an important step in reducing radiation exposure."

The prospective study involved children who arrived at emergency departments in the PECARN network after blunt trauma to their torsos, such as sustained from a car or bicycle crash, a fall or an assault. A variety of factors related to the children's histories and clinical presentations were evaluated. Among these, seven were identified by statistical analysis to correlate with risk for involving a clinically important injury. The factors included evidence of trauma on the abdomen or chest (such as seat-belt marks), neurological changes, abdominal pain or tenderness, abnormal breath sounds and vomiting.

Children who had none of the factors when evaluated in the emergency department had only a 0.1 percent chance of having an abdominal injury that required acute intervention. For the great majority of these cases, therefore, a CT scan would not likely provide additional useful information. According to the authors, the risk of developing a future cancer from radiation exposure from a CT scan in this situation (i.e., when lacking all seven factors) outweighs the risk of having a significant medical problem from the abdominal injury.

The authors stated that the prediction rule is intended only to help "rule out" the need for CT for children when none of the seven factors is present. However, the rule does not mandate a CT solely based on any one of the factors being present. If the prediction rule were used in that way, CT usage would actually increase over current levels. The authors emphasized that clinical judgment must play an important role in determining whether a CT is needed in each case. Extending the period of observation in the emergency department, and using findings from laboratory tests and ultrasonography, can also contribute to decision-making in cases of abdominal trauma.

According to Holmes, the prediction rule must be tested in another clinical trial designed specifically to evaluate its validity before being generally adopted. He expects that this will be carried out in the near future.

Another related ongoing study at UC Davis Medical Center is investigating the role of ultrasonography in the evaluation of abdominal trauma in children, and whether increasing its usage can lead to further reduction of the need for CT scans.

This study also was conducted through PECARN, a network of pediatric emergency departments throughout the United States that enables researchers to gather enough data to perform significant studies on critical issues in pediatric emergency medicine. PECARN studies have previously led to new standards of care for infants or children presenting with head trauma, diabetic crisis and infections.

"Because of PECARN, we are uniquely positioned to perform large studies that can provide important information," said Nathan Kuppermann, senior investigator of the study, who is professor of pediatrics and emergency medicine and chair of the Department of Emergency Medicine at the UC Davis School of Medicine. "The results of such studies are making emergency medicine decision-making more of a science and leading to better and safer outcomes for children."

Kuppermann is founding chair of PECARN and leads one of the network's research nodes, which is centered at UC Davis Medical Center and includes the children's hospitals of the University of Utah and University of Pennsylvania.

Other UC Davis Medical Center investigators involved in the study are Peter Sokolove, professor of emergency medicine, David Wisner, professor of surgery, and Sandra Wootton-Gorges, professor and medical director of radiology at the ShrinersHospital for Children Northern California. Other authors were from emergency departments in Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Missouri, New York, Ohio, Utah, Wisconsin and Washington, D.C. A complete listing of the authors and their affiliations can be found in the article.

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Story Source:

The above story is reprinted from materials provided by University of California - Davis Health System.

Note: Materials may be edited for content and length. For further information, please contact the source cited above.


Journal Reference:

  1. James F. Holmes, Kathleen Lillis, David Monroe, Dominic Borgialli, Benjamin T. Kerrey, Prashant Mahajan, Kathleen Adelgais, Angela M. Ellison, Kenneth Yen, Shireen Atabaki, Jay Menaker, Bema Bonsu, Kimberly S. Quayle, Madelyn Garcia, Alexander Rogers, Stephen Blumberg, Lois Lee, Michael Tunik, Joshua Kooistra, Maria Kwok, Lawrence J. Cook, J. Michael Dean, Peter E. Sokolove, David H. Wisner, Peter Ehrlich, Arthur Cooper, Peter S. Dayan, Sandra Wootton-Gorges, Nathan Kuppermann. Identifying Children at Very Low Risk of Clinically Important Blunt Abdominal Injuries. Annals of Emergency Medicine, 2013; DOI: 10.1016/j.annemergmed.2012.11.009

Note: If no author is given, the source is cited instead.

Disclaimer: This article is not intended to provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of ScienceDaily or its staff.

Source: http://feeds.sciencedaily.com/~r/sciencedaily/most_popular/~3/EzDIoClzZvQ/130201132330.htm

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Rubber Republic Wants to Help you Make Viral ... - The Next Web

The UK-based viral agency, Rubber Republic, has launched a free app called TubeRank to help advertisers, agencies and anyone else to find inspiration on how best to create a viral video.

There are arguments that will say that viral spread is something unexpected that can only happen organically. There?s a lot of truth in this, but there are also things that video-makers can take into account in order to stack the odds in their favour.

Chris Quigley, MD of Rubber Republic told The Next Web about how experience can inform viral creation but the stakes are much higher now that there are so many people sharing content in so many places all over the Web.

?I started working in the viral industry ten or twelve years ago when I left University,? he said. ?We call ourselves a Viral Agency and you say that to people and they tell you that you can?t make a viral, it?s something that just happens. We have that confidence though because we know how to make awesome content and we have a pedigree in it. You can make virals and to make them there are certain ingredients you need. That?s what we?re doing with the app.

Indeed Rubber Republic has been having a streak of hits lately. You may have already seen the Fiat Motherhood rap advert, Mercedes Catch, Peugeot vs Nonstop and the Bodyform Response which we featured back in October last year.

TubeRank?s been 12 months in the making, and initially started as a research project called the *LOL_Project* aimed at finding out from ad agency creatives and planners their thoughts on the science of sharing and what makes a video viral. More than 45 interviews were conducted and this led to the first version of TubeRank out today.

TubeRank offers users a selection of toggles and options to suit the message or style they are interested in working with, and then see existing videos that have been relatively successful as an inspiration.

Tuberank screen Viral agency Rubber Republic launches free app to help creators make better viral videos

The videos are drawn from the RSS feeds of influencers. Rubber Republic then adds a layer of meta data so that they can be searched using the trigger sliders.

At launch the app is free and Quigley says that he may move to a freemium model for agencies to provide more in depth insight and data. Check?the video for a short explanation.

The ads and videos are ranked on how many times they are shared for each time it is viewed. A video that has 20 million views may have been poorly shared or have paid-for media behind it. This means the results show how natural or organic the viral results for the videos have been.

omg cat Viral agency Rubber Republic launches free app to help creators make better viral videosIn the event that you should create a combination that does not produce a video result, Rubber Republic has this covered with a familiar Internet meme to let you know as shown in the picture to the right.

Viral advice

Having a chat with a viral-maker, we had to ask about how he thinks virals are made and how they can be a success.

?There are two core ingredients to designing something that will go viral; understanding who is going to share the content and why they are going to share it,? he explained. ?These are conversation triggers. If you deconstruct any shareable video you will see those two things very clearly. That?s how we reconstruct our ideas. We come up with ideas, analyze them within a framework and then try to improve them to include those triggers that are relevant to the communities of interest.?

So why invest in trying to get a video to go viral and what precisely is the result? ?Making a viral video is about getting people engaged with your brand and your product in a way that people want to advocate you,? says Quigley. ?Viral is the oldest form advertising, it?s basically word of mouth. the point is to get people sharing or telling their friends about this great video. There is a question there about how you manage to integrate your brand into a video and that can be an art in itself. going viral is basically being so awesome that people want to talk about you and share you.?

There?s a pretty penny put down for a good video this days. As mentioned, the competition is fierce with so many creators putting their material online. But Quigley says that virals can be made on a budget and there have been some really nice success stories.

?A great example of this is Dollar Shave Club,? he says. ?That ad was articulating the character of the business through the founder, he?s the hero of the video. It?s down to getting the idea right. Dollar Shave had a relatively small budget but the founder has experience in marketing and so he had a big advantage.?

Knowing your audience can also bring down the costs of making something that people want to share. Quigley notes that Dropbox went viral by putting Easter eggs in the product that would appeal to the audience. This makes sense given his explanation about knowing the community you want to reach.

Haters gonna hate

With many neat examples to watch on the app, it might be tempting to take an existing viral and incorporate it into a campaign. But this method can be divisive and again depends a lot on who the target audience is.

?The Fenton-related viral by Everything Everywhere was interesting,? says Quigley. ?I saw it when it had just launched and seeded organically. You?d look down the comment stream and it was getting a lot of flack from the organic meme community.

?But then when it had paid seeding behind it, the comments were completely different,? he continued. ?It reached a more mainstream audience and there was a lot of praise for it. There is a divide and the purist meme lovers are more sensitive because it?s their holy ground, whereas the wider community will enjoy something if it is well done.?

Virals that don?t work are unlikely to be harmful other than trying to recoup the costs and time put into them. However a bad viral video can be quite destructive. Quigley says there is very little you can do about this once it is out unless the video is taken down quickly.

But even with an interesting viral there can be a lot of criticism. Quigley says this is par for the course. ?You need to understand who is flaming you and be thick-skinned. There are so many haters out there and they will hate whatever the weather. You have to be happy to take flack ? it?s the Internet.?

??TubeRank

Image Credit: Holisticmonkey / Flickr

Source: http://thenextweb.com/apps/2013/01/31/rubber-republic-launches-a-free-app-for-viral-video-inspiration/

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Washington ponders how to keep its legal marijuana in state

SEATTLE -- So far, no one is suggesting checkpoints or fences to keep Washington state's legal pot within its borders.

But Gov. Jay Inslee insists there are ways to prevent the bulk smuggling of the state's newest cash crop into the black market, including digitally tracking weed to ensure that it goes from where it is grown to the stores where it is sold.

With sales set to begin later this year, he hopes to be a good neighbor and keep vanloads of premium, legal bud from cruising into Idaho, Oregon and other states that don't want people getting stoned for fun.

It's not just about generating goodwill with fellow governors. Inslee is trying to persuade U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder not to sue to block Washington from licensing pot growers, processors and sellers. Marijuana remains illegal under federal law.

"I am going to be personally committed to have a well-regulated, well-disciplined, well-tracked, well-inventory-controlled, well-law-enforcement-coordinated approach," said Inslee, who expects to give Holder more details by next week.

Keeping a lid on the weed is just one of the numerous challenges Washington state authorities and their counterparts in Colorado -- where voters also legalized pot use -- will face in the coming months.

The potential of regulatory schemes to keep pot from being diverted isn't clear. Colorado already has intensive rules aimed at keeping its medical marijuana market in line, including the digital tracking of cannabis, bar codes on every plant, surveillance video and manifests of all legal pot shipments.

But law enforcement officials say marijuana from Colorado's dispensaries often makes its way to the black market, and even the head of the Colorado agency charged with tracking the medical pot industry suggests no one should copy its measures.

The agency has been beset by money woes and had to cut many of its investigators. Even if the agency had all the money it wanted, the state's medical pot rules are "a model of regulatory overreach," too cumbersome and expensive to enforce, Laura Harris said in a statement.

Last fall, voters made Washington and Colorado the first states to pass laws legalizing the recreational use of marijuana and setting up systems of state-licensed growers, processors and retail stores where adults over 21 can walk in and buy up to an ounce of heavily taxed cannabis.

Both states are working to develop rules for the emerging pot industry.

The Obama administration could sue to block the legal markets from operating, on the grounds that actively regulating an illegal substance conflicts with federal drug law. The DOJ is reviewing the laws but has given no signals about its plans.

It has never sued states like Colorado that have regulated medical marijuana, even though it could under the same legal principles.

Part of the DOJ's political calculus in deciding whether to sue is likely to be how well the department believes the two states can keep the legal weed within their borders. During a meeting with Inslee last week, Holder asked a lot of questions about diversion, Inslee said.

Alison Holcomb, who led Washington's legal pot campaign, said it's important to respect states that haven't legalized weed by not flooding their black markets. The first step, she said, is for the state to figure out how much pot should be produced, and then grant licenses accordingly.

"Excess supply creates incentive to divert outside the state," she said.

Washington's Liquor Control Board is planning a comprehensive survey to estimate how much marijuana is consumed in the state.

Inslee has boasted about the effectiveness of the State Patrol's highway interdiction program in stopping drug trafficking. Traditional police work, combined with inventory controls, will be key to clamping down on diversion, he said.

Digital tracking of the weights of marijuana shipments between processors and retailers would help make sure there isn't "10- to 20-percent shrinkage that's going to the black market," he said.

But even if the state can prevent bulk pot from being diverted, there's nothing to keep customers from walking into multiple stores, or returning to the same store, to collect more than their 1-ounce limit. Some traffickers could recruit many people to buy weed for them.

Tom Gorman, head of the Rocky Mountain High Intensity Drug-Trafficking Area, said efforts to keep a lid on legal marijuana simply don't work.

Pot from Colorado's medical marijuana system -- often described as the most closely regulated in the world -- routinely makes its way into Kansas, Nebraska, Wyoming and points east, often from dispensaries that have sold out the back door, he said.

A brief law enforcement survey the organization conducted last summer turned up numerous cases in which suspects had made purchases at Colorado dispensaries before being busted in other states.

In the past two years, Colorado's medical pot regulators have levied 54 fines against licensed businesses, but have never revoked or suspended a license.

Matt Cook, the former director of Colorado's Medical Marijuana Enforcement Division, defended the "seed-to-store" regulations in the state.

Cook, who is applying for a job as a consultant to Washington's marijuana regulators, noted that at any time officials could check the digital records, pull the surveillance video or drop in for an inspection -- and the fear of getting busted keeps people in line.

Bob Hoban, whose law firm represents nearly 100 medical marijuana businesses in Colorado, agreed, and noted another incentive for dispensaries to behave.

"It's a cutthroat business," he said. "If somebody sees something unusual, they're going to provide a tip. ... There's just about as good of a safeguard as you can have for diversion in the state of Colorado, and a lot of that is Big Brother watching you."

Source: http://www.dailycamera.com/state-west-news/ci_22478261/washington-ponders-how-keep-its-legal-marijuana-state?source=rss_viewed

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Java, Silverlight left in cold as Firefox disables all plugins by default -- except Flash

Plugins enabled by default in Firefox, step forward  not so fast, Java and Silverlight

In an effort to prevent "drive-by exploitations," upcoming versions of Firefox will have Java, Adobe Reader and Silverlight disabled by default, according to a recent Mozilla Security blog. All other third-party plugins except Flash will also be disabled, requiring users to enable them using the so-called click to play feature introduced last year. All that is to prevent "poorly designed" Firefox plugins from crashing or recent headline-grabbing exploits involving the likes of Java, with Adobe's Flash player being the one exception that works out of the box -- though versions longer of tooth than 10.3 won't see daylight without your say-so.

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Source: Mozilla Security Blog

Source: http://www.engadget.com/2013/01/31/java-silverlight-disabled-by-default-firefox/

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