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Note: To view Gene?s Blogs posted before November 2011, just visit the ?Articles? and ?Odds ?N Ends? sections of NuPathz at http://www.nupathz.com/
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Download Free ? James Allen?s ?AS A MAN THINKETH? See below for info?
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CHEAP PARROT
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A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. ?Why so little?? she asked the pet store owner.
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The owner looked at her and said, ?Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.?
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The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird?s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
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The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, ?New house, new madam.?
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The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, ?That?s really not so bad.?
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When her two daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, ?New house, new madam, new girls.?
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The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
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Moments later, the woman?s husband ?Keith? came home from work.
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The bird looked at him and said,
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?Hi, Keith!?
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GOLF BALLS
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A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.??The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.?Finally, after many such glances from her, he said ?..?It?s golf balls?.
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Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.? After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked ?..
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?Does it hurt as much a tennis elbow??
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THE GUNFIGHTER
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Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, an up and coming gunfighter recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West.
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The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. ?Do you think you could give me some tips?? he asked.
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The old man looked him up and down and said, ?Well, for one thing, you?re wearing your gun too high.??? Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.?
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?Will that make me a better gunfighter?? asked the young man.
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?Sure will,? replied the old-timer.
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The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.
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?That?s terrific!? said the hot shot.??? ?Got any more tips for me??
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?Yep,? said the old man. ?Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That?ll give you a smoother draw.?
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?Will that make me a better gunfighter?? asked the younger man.
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?You bet it will,? said the old-timer.
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The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player.
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?Wow!? exclaimed the cowboy, ?I?m learnin? somethin? here.?? Got any more tips??
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The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. ?See that axle grease in the can over there???? Coat your gun with it.?
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The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.
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?No,? said the old-timer, ?I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.?
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?Will that make me a better gunfighter?? asked the young man.
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?No,? said the old-timer, ?but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he?s gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won?t hurt as much.?
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OK, just one more?
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POSTMAN PAT?S LAST DAY
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It was Postman Pat?s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
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When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the?whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on?his way with a gift check for $500.
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At the second house they presented him with fine Cuban cigars in an 18-carat gold box.
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The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old Scotch whisky.
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At the fourth house he was met at the door by a blonde in her lingerie.? She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.? When?he had had enough they went downstairs, where the blonde fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, tomatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and freshly-squeezed orange juice.
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When he was finished eating she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
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As she was pouring, he noticed a $5 bill sticking out from under the cup?s bottom edge.
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?All this was just too wonderful for words,? he said, ?but what?s the five dollars for??
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Well,? said the blonde, ?last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you?.
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He said, ?Screw him.? Give him five bucks.?
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She smiled sheepishly, ?The breakfast was my idea.?
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And remember to take some time out every day just for you, to count your blessings, hug your loved ones and enjoy life?s wonders.? I hope you have a really great day!
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**DON?T MISS THE WRAP-UP ?THOUGHT FOR THE DAY?!!!
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ARE YOU READY FOR A CHANGE?? Then be sure to check out the rest of our stuff (books, thoughts, quotations, links, articles, Words of Wisdom, Odds ?N Ends, and much, much more) on our main site at:? http://www.nupathz.com/?? We have over 1000 pages of everything from videos, jokes, useless facts, bumper stickers and silly signs to humorous stories, off-the-wall thoughts and plenty of terrific articles to help you with your self improvement and personal growth efforts!?
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**Book Links updated & actually work now!? Amazing?
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Also ? Select Titles are now available through the Apple iBookstore. See Below?
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Change Your Thoughts ? Change Your Life!
FREE DOWNLOAD ? James Allen?s ?As A Man Thinketh?
Originally published in 1902, it?s the book that has provided the foundation for many of today?s self improvement and personal growth programs.? Read the original book that has helped millions of people find their way to a better, more enjoyable life.
Available from Nupathz.com at http://www.nupathz.com/Free_E-Books.htm
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IS THIS REALLY the life we were intended to experience?? ARE YOU LOOKING for a simple approach a better life?? Then you?ll want to read ?IS THIS AS GOOD AS IT GETS?? by Gene Simmons.? Just go to http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/genenupathz ??- or to the ?Books? section of NuPathz.com at http://www.nupathz.com/newlit1.htm?
*?IS THIS AS GOOD AS IT GETS?? is ALSO AVAILABLE through any major book retailer?
ISBN 1-4116-4415-8
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MORE ABOUT ?IS THIS AS GOOD AS IT GETS??
There are many of us who don?t have the time - nor the inclination - to spend hours trying to pick a few bits of useful information from a self-help or personal growth book.? In one or two short sittings, ?Is This As Good As It Gets?? will provide a solid foundation for building a better, more enjoyable life.? (It?s also great as a quick-reference motivator for those times we get bogged down by the ?yucky stuff? of life!)? I?ve been using the concepts I?ve presented in this book for well over twenty years.? I assure you from my experience - they work!
For a Quick Preview, click http://www.lulu.com/browse/preview.php?fCID=108956
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OTHER BOOKS by Gene Simmons:
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?What Am I Doing Here??? (Also see note below?)
ISBN 1-4116-4824-2
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?Up Close and Personal?? (Also see note below?)
ISBN 1-4116-5179-0
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?Just Between Us Critters?? (Also see note below?)
ISBN 1-4116-6176-1
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?Just Go For It!?
ISBN 1-4116-7577-0
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?A Short Spiritual Journey?? (Also see note below?)
ISBN 1-4116-8567-9
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***FOR MORE INFORMATION on all books, just go to http://www.nupathz.com/newlit1.htm ?
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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
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In life, it?s not who you know that?s important, it?s how your wife found out. ? Joey Adams
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NuPathz.com ? Your affordable source for self improvement and self help books & materials
Illuminating the path for personal motivation, growth and development
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SUCCESS = TAKING THE STEPS TO DO THE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO!
JUST GO FOR IT!
Source: http://nupathz.com/blog/?p=1240
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